What's The Color of Your Uber?

Hey Gang,

 I have tried to explain to the people selling food that someday I will rival Tony Robbins and have a multi-billion dollar speaking career with an estate in Fiji, but they don't seem to care.  They just say, "That's great, but you need to pay for that Slim Jim today."  So, I decided to emulate a free spirited entrepreneur or an unemployed stand-up comedian and become an Uber driver.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Uber, it's like a taxi where the driver uses their own car.  Since I am a driver with my own car it seemed like a perfect fit.  I hit a few snags at first.  Apparently, Uber has "rules" to be affiliated with them.  An Uber driver needs a car with 4 doors and it has to have been built in 2007 or later.  I have neither.  I did't let that stop me, though.  I reached down into the depths of my soul and thought, WWTRITD, What Would Tony Robbins Incredible Teeth Do?

His teeth told me to become my own Uber, to be the taxi driver that I always knew I could be (but never really thought about until recently.)  I have decided to start my own transportation system called Gruber, it's a Gremlin based ride share program.  You don't need a fancy smart phone either to catch a ride in a Gruber.   I will provide you with my pager number.  If you need a ride you page me, wait near a phone line, I will call you back, ask you for directions, have you wait on the phone until I fold and unfold my map and then come get you.  One ride in just 5 easy steps!

First contact is just the beginning of the Gruber experience.  Once I arrive you will be treated to first class door to door service.  I will carry your bags to my hatchback, protect your head while you squeeze into the back of the car and present you with complementary beverages of tap water and soda crackers.  Once my business takes off, I will be able to provide those elusive Slim Jims.

Once we arrive at you destination, I will retrieve your bags, help you out of the car and announce your arrival by cupping my hands and yelling out to the world that you are here. (I can also make the announcement in a fancy British accent but that would cost extra.)

I can't wait to see you on the open road!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

The Winds of Pocket Change

Hey Gang,


You may have noticed that I have been missing my weekly blog last month.  As it happens, the Walmart parking lot that houses my Gremlin in is located in Florida, so as a result I had to run from the hurricane.  I really didn't want to leave so I tried to talk Walmart into letting me park in the tire center, but I was turned down because this particular Walmart doesn't have a tire center.

I had quite an experience evacuating.  I decided that if I had to leave my Florida Walmart parking lot that I would head north...to a Georgia Walmart parking lot.  It was a little challenging since my Gremlin only goes 35 miles an hour.  The  Florida Interstates were packed with half of the state leaving, so it took me longer than expected to reach my destination.  It took me about a week and a half.

Once I reached Georgia, the hurricane had already passed me and had passed Georgia too.  I decided to make the most of it and do some sight seeing.  Was that fun!  Georgia is so much different than Florida. The Georgia Walmart parking lot has so many more spaces, the cart return seems wider and there are no palm trees.  I took so many pictures!

I am finally back now and can't wait to resume my life-coaching career!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Who Do The Kudzu That You Do?

Hey Gang,

I had the pleasure of doing some (court ordered) volunteer work.  I had to pull kudzu from trees in  a nearby park.  Kudzu is an invasive species of vines that takes over bushes or trees.  If not weeded, it can take over and keep the host plant from getting sunlight.  As I spent hours working on this task it made me think...we all have kudzu in our lives.

Everyone one of us are tall and mighty trees trying to grow tall, but something always sneaks up on us and tries to steal our sunlight.  Sometimes our kudzu is insecurity, sometimes it's fear of failure, my personal kudzu is disliking hard work.

I also noticed that there is a distinct smell to kudzu. At first I thought it smelled good, but after awhile I realized that the smell was pungent. It smells like bacon until it starts smelling like vines.  That got me to thinking that often bacon can be our personal kudzu as well.  I like to eat bacon until my sweat start smelling like vines.

I think everyone should pull kudzu and have the same inspiration that I did.  A lot of parks need weeding and gardening done.  I recommend volunteering your time. I'm not really sure how to volunteer at local parks.  Most parks are open to the public, so just show up with your shovels and picks and starting weeding the trees.  If someone asks what you are doing, tell them Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer sent you!

Have a great day!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

My Own Gizmo

Hey Gang,

I have mentioned before that I am a Life Coach that lives in my 1968 Gremlin in the Walmart parking lot.  Now some of you may say, "Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer, I am a car enthusiast and the Gremlin didn't come out until 1970."  Which is true.  My Gremlin was the beta test car of all the Gremlins.  It was given to my Grandpa Gainer back before they had crash test dummies.  AMC (the Gremlin's manufacturer) would just call my Grandfather every evening and if he was still around to answer the phone, they assumed the Gremlin passed the safety test.

I like that my home/transportation was handed down from generation to generation.  After my Grandfather survived being an owner of this beauty, he handed it down to my father, who politely declined the offer.  Later, when I asked my father for some rent money, he told me to just live in the Gremlin and here I am in now!

The Gremlin is a pleasure to drive and to live in.  I named her Gizmo after the 1977 movie, Gizmo.  My favorite part of the car is the hatch-back, or as I like to call it, my lanai.  It keeps things cool on the humid Fl nights and it is also acts as my security system. (Shoppers walk by, look in and see my shrine to Tony Robbins and keep walking.)

Today is a big day for Gizmo, I am putting some indoor/outdoor carpet in her lanai.  I once tried to put shag carpet in her, but the candles from my Tony Robbins shrine kept starting fires.

Take Care,

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

The Dawn of the Dread

Hey Gang,

As you know by now, I am a life coach. I like to give free advice from time to time.  Since I haven't had a paying client in awhile...or ever, I thought that this may be a good time to impart my wisdom.  Morning routines are very important.  I would like to share with you my personal morning ritual.

Mornings are the most important early part of the sunrise.  Some other life coach "experts" suggest that meditation, exercise and stretching are a great way to begin each day.  I tend to disagree.  I think waking up with dread in your heart is a great motivator!.  Making mental lists of all the reasons staying in bed (or in my case, the backseat of my 1968 Gremlin) would be easier than facing a bleak reality, really helps you to put life in prospective.

Also, I am a big believer (like the president) that too much exercise wears down your internal battery. Let's say that you do get up and do some cardio that has your blood pumping and your heart racing, it's just gonna make you sleepy later on.  Instead, have a sugary snack and when you later crash, just have another sugary snack.  It's that simple!

Finally, use the precious hours of the morning to really concentrate on the things you are resentful of.  It's like an "attitude of gratitude" in reverse.  I call it a "mindset of things you didn't get."  Just take a 5-10 minutes to think of all the things you have wanted, but life somehow never let you have.  That empty feeling in your soul will be more than ready for the sugary breakfast snack its about to receive.

Hope this helps!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Your Mother Has Weight Issues

Hey Gang,

Lately I have been hearing about roast battles.  At first I thought it sounded delicious.  I'm usually team-pot roast but can be swayed with a pork roast, especially if black beans and rice are involved.. Then I found out that roast battles were just organized insult competitions.  In the age of anti-bullying campaigns and trigger words, what a refreshing way to communicate!

The first time I heard anyone hurling insults in an organized fashions was in a "Yo-Mama" off.  This is where young men and women trade jokes based on slandering each other's mothers.  Most of the jokes insinuate that someone's mom, usually the most beloved person in a young person's life, is obese, really stupid or morally corrupt. Hilarious!

I, for one, think there should be a way to participate in the fellowship of roasting, without having to put down your opponent's maternal figure, because if it's one thing that my mother has always told me it's, "Kid, you're on your own. Don't drag me down with you."  (I do love that woman!)

So I have compiled some "Yo Mama" jokes that still let the joke teller look cool while saving the sanctity of their mother.

"Your mother has several eating disorders based on her disappointment in you." (That one is a true story!)

"Your mother has a low IQ and it's probably genetic"

"Your mother is not very technically inclined so she probably isn't reading this blog."

I hope you can use some of the zingers!  If you need anymore suggestions on calling people rude and obnoxious names, check out our elected official Twitter accounts.  They sure know how to sound like the kids today!

All me best!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Nothing Rhymes With Chipotle

Hey Gang,

As our country grows, changes and becomes a melting pot of people, so does our fast food-sit down-chain restaurants.  Today we have Italian grills, Korean barbecues and California pizzas.  What started out as a food from a specific culture, gets extracted and mixed with staples of Americana, which usually includes extra cheese and ranch dressing to bring us the modern cuisine that we have today.

Nothing makes me happier than eating a Chipolte Rice Bowl.  It's like an unwrapped burrito that you eat with a fork or a Chinese meal that it made up entirely of Mexican food.  It's filling and delicious!

Even the set up of a Chipolte restaurant is a hybrid of different fast food joints.  Most interiors look like a beatnik-laden coffee house, but the ordering process is a lot like a Subway.  It has fresh food, a long line of people individualizing each order, and employees that don't make eye contact when I point out each condiment and say "Does this have e-coli?  How about this? Ok what about this one?"

The next time you go out to eat, take note of all the cultures that your food is representing.  Is it a food that has a Spanish flair,  an Asian inspired dish or good old American Cheetos stuffed with mac and cheese?

 Bone Appetizers!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Summer Solistice

Hey Gang,

Summer solstice is today and quite frankly, it's my favorite of all solstices.  It is the longest day of the year, but really the least celebrated of all the sun holidays.  I just don't think that this holiday has done a very good job of marketing itself, which is a shame since this is an age of social media and do-it-yourself advertising.

I have a few suggestions to help boost summer solstice's popularity.  For one, there are no mascots like Santa, Easter Bunny or leprechauns for summer solstice.  Why not have an imaginary character for children to look forward to in the summer?  It should represent what June is about, summer, sun and outside.  Maybe the mascot should be Niles, the Magical Mosquito?   He comes every solstice biting the children and filling them with summer fun.

Children all over the northern hemisphere will anticipate Niles arrival by putting standing water outside their house, opening their windows and hiding their bug spray.  Niles will sneak in at night when children are sleeping and ravage their skin with summer-fun.  When the children wake up they will be itchy and ready for fun in the sun!

Also summer solstice doesn't have any greeting cards.  Why not exchange summer time salutations with a Hallmark card that reads:

Summer vacation is here and we will travel for miles
Enjoying the pool and waiting for Niles
Soaking in the sun and enjoying the light
While we put Calamine Lotion on all of Nile's bites

Happy Summer Solstices!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Haters Be Hating

Hey Gang,

The great T-Swizzle has taught us that Haters gonna hate, the Fakers gonna fake and off course the Shakers gonna shake it off.  This got me to thinking...do I have Haters?  Am I a Hater?  I am a Breather, an Eater, a Fantasizer of Tony Robbins, but a Hater?  I don't think so.

There are a few people that I feel extremely envious of.  I mean the envy eats me up so much that I can't sleep, I obsess about them and wish for their ultimate demise.  I don't think that makes me a Hater.  I would call it more of an Envier or a Borderline Dangerous Jealouser, but not a hater.  I am not really sure what a Hater is.

I have decided to get prepared for the day I do have a Hater.  I think my Hater will be a young 20-something person.  I can't decide if it will be male or female, so for now I will just refer to them as Jordan. 

Jordan will at first be struck by my training skills.  Jordan will try to emulate everything I do, but will soon be frustrated that he/she can never truly be a corporate trainer of Cathy Gainer's caliber.  Things will get ugly, I will be tempted to sink to Jordan's level when the mud starts slinging, but ultimately I will prevail the winner.

Having haters was hard. T-Swizzle was right and in a weird way I am glad that Jordan came in my life.  It will teach me a lot about myself, if it actually ever happens.

Take Care Gang,

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Super isn't Just For Bowls

Hey Gang,

As you know,  there is a big game coming up.  It's called the Super Bowl.  Here comes the confusing part, there is absolutely no bowling in this event.  I found out the hard way that bringing a 10 lb bowling ball into a stadium is frowned upon and conversely bowling alleys don't like it when you wear football cleats on their lanes.  Rules, who can keep up?

I often wonder why it is called the Super Bowl.  While it is super, maybe it could have been called the Awesome Bowl, the Ample Bowl or the Concussion Bowl.  If it were up to me, it would be called the Nifty Bowl, because all those rich people in one place is nifty!

Now that we know the Patriots will be playing the Falcons, it begs the question of who to root for.  I like actual falcons.  They are strong and fierce, but can be controlled when blinders are put on them. The same can be said for actual patriots.

The commercials for the Super Bowl are always a fun hit.  Even people who don't normally watch football will tune in just to see the commercials.  Those same people may also get offended by one of the commercials and speak out against it in the weeks to follow.  It's a fun tradition, along with endless debates on who ruined the halftime show.

Since I don't own a TV or a home to watch a TV in, I am already deciding where to view the big game.  My favorite place is in front of the many TV screens at the Best Buy. They  have the highest definition televisions and slowest security guards in town.

Enjoy the gang folks! Please remember to snack responsibly.  Although, junk food is fun, it makes you sluggish when security is chasing you out of the Best Buy.

Go Sports!
Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Cathy Gainer Answers Your Questions!

Hey Gang,

I haven't gotten any comments on my blog yet, so I am going to answer some of the questions that I am imaging that you are asking. The first one would obviously be, "Cathy Gainer, Corporate Trainer, what kind of trainer are you?  It seems like you know nothing and have no real experience at anything."

Let me first respond by sincerely thanking you for noticing. I appreciate the shout-out.  To answer your question, life is a training ground for living, so since I have been alive for several decades, I am an expert level trainer.  My focus of training is on leadership, but I  have been a subordinate in most of my jobs that pay money, so that presents a challenge.

I am also a technical trainer.  It has taken me years, but I have finally figured out the Dewey Decimal system.  I am offering classes at the library to explain how books are classified.  It's a great skill to learn and until people can magically ask questions on any subject to a machine and get an instant answer, we will all benefit from learning Mr. Dewey's expertise.

I am also looking into something called eLearning.  It seems to be all the rage.  I am not sure what it is.  My guess is it some kind of  Spanish training and I would be the eL Trainer.

Feel free to ask me questions in the comment section.  Having a real question to answer would be nifty!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer