Thursday, November 23, 2017

Spanksgiving

Hey Gang,

I'm hoping everyone is having a Happy Thanksgiving!  I have my turkey jerky and bottle of gravy-flavored Gatorade, so I am set for the holiday!  Many people use this day to reflect and find gratitude for the things in their life.  I have decided to add a twist to this tradition and start swatting all the people I know and love, and some that I just know.

It started out when I went to the gas station to buy my holiday meal. The attendant scanned my turkey flavored feast and I looked at him deeply. (It seemed that he was avoiding eye contact with me , but I kept staring.)  I said, "Hey, I see you almost everyday when you ring up my dried meat pieces, you are great and you matter."  Then I swatted his hand and he looked surprised.  I thought, how sad...probably no one else took the time to tell him what a great job he was doing.  I decided to spread the cheer to the rest of the gas station.

As I was leaving, I saw a gentleman headed to the register to buy a case of beer and a pack of cigarettes.  I told him, "We all celebrate the holidays differently, kudos to you for polluting your body while we commemorate our founding supper."  Then I gave him a gentle punch and the shoulder.  He replied with profanity.

I continued my journey into the parking lot.  I stopped to greet a lady, who was putting gas in her car.  I told her, "Way to fill up using pump number 7! Keep it up!"  I smacked her on the behind and skipped along.  She yelled, "Hey what's your problem???" 

I told her, "It's no problem, I am happy to oblige."

She put the gas handle back on the pump and yelled, "My hands aren't full anymore.  I dare you to come back and do that again, you psycho!!"

I replied, "I don't have time.  I am on my way to inspire others and no, I'm not a Psychologist, just someone who cares." I could tell I changed her day! 

I challenge all of you to do the same.  If you spend today with your family, take the time to tell them how you feel and follow it up with a punch, a slap or even a noogie.  Or, if you are like me and weren't invited this year to eat with your relatives, then spread the love to strangers.  You definitely will make it a Thanksgiving that they will talk about for years to come!

Happy Spanksgiving!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer






Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Let a Compass be Your Compass

Hey Gang,

I was listening to the radio the other day and heard a song with the lyrics, "Let your heart be your compass."  I thought that was just a nifty idea.  Let your feelings guide you. Feelings are led by emotions and emotions are always very consistent!

I put this theory to a test and went camping!  I threw out the GPS and any navigational tools that I had packed.  I wanted to take a walk and see where my mental state took me.

At first, I was very happy and excited so I decided to hike into the most condensed woods that I could find.  If I was in this good of a mood, can you imagine how delighted I would be to see a cute fuzzy bunny?   Following my heart, I walked deeper and deeper into the wilderness.  I didn't find any adorable animals.  I did find a lot of insects and a hardy patch of poison ivy!

After several hours, fear and fatigue starting to take over, so I decided to switch it up and let anxiety be my compass.  It was at this point that I tried running away from the most condensed trees in the woods.  My feet were constantly getting tangled in vines and the sun was starting to set. It seemed that leaving a forest isn't as easy as walking into it, so I turned full-blown panic into my compass.

Luckily, some nearby school children heard my screams and led me to safety.  As it turned out I was just in a neighborhood park and a playground was only a quarter of a mile away.  I was grateful to get help, although the parents of the children filed a petition to never let me near the playground again.

I do, though, recommend that everyone should try at least once to let their heart be their compass, but maybe keep a smartphone in your back pocket, just in case trouble arises.

Happy Camping!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Get Onboard With Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Hey Gang,

As a Corporate Trainer, who neither works for a corporation nor trains people, I like to keep my ear to the ground on industries that I am not employed in.  I have seen a lot of articles lately about onboarding and the importance of doing it correctly.  I don't really know what the term "onboarding" means, but agree that the process is important.

 Here is some of the information that I have gathered: Onboarding has something to do with new people working at a company.  Contrary to my behavior at new jobs, where I walk in and ask, "Where's my desk? Who is in charge of getting me coffee? What exactly does this business do???" some companies have a whole system designed to get fresh employees "on board" to their new surroundings. As an almost-professional trainer, I have thought of some great ways to improve on this mechanism.

First Day of TRAINing - Rather than having onboarding, companies should have, "All Aboarding!"  This is when the hiring manager or HR reps greet employees on their first day dressed like a train conductor.  The employees will hand their offer letters over and the manager or HR rep will punch holes in it like one of  the cartooned Tom Hanks in The Polar Express.  It would be a hoot!  HR could yell "All Aboard...When I say Chugga, you say Choo Choo....Chugga..."

What's more fun for a new employee than dancing and clapping along with the person that they will be reporting to for the foreseeable future?  Good stuff!

Hang Ten on Day One- Another great idea is to have a surfer theme on the first day of employment.  That same manager or HR rep could greet newbies in a sarong and flip flops (which are huge dress code violations) while carrying a surf board over their shoulders. They could greet everyone saying "Surf's up and so is Benefits Enrollment if we don't hurry and get started."

So Boring- Let's face it onboarding isn't always exciting, so my last idea is to embrace the blase. Give each new hire a fidget spinner on arrival, encourage them to check their phones for messages or even watch You-Tube videos.  "This Onboarding is Oh-So-Boring" could be on a banner hung in their new cubicle.

As always, I love training and hope this helps any hiring professional out there!  Also if anyone wants to hire me, just send me an email.  I have my first-day sarong all ready to go!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer


Wednesday, October 25, 2017

How To Win Fiends and Influenza People

Hey Gang.

One of my favorite and fun holidays is upon us, I have celebrated it every year since I was young,  I am, of course, talking about National Cat Day on October 29th,  I don't have a cat as a pet, I have tried on several occasions to adopt one, but the kitties always seem to prefer the feral life to living with me.

Halloween, a lesser celebrated holiday, is also next week.  This is when costumed children take on the role of stray animals and walk from house to house begging for scraps of food.  I remember a few Halloweens as a child, I would ask my parent's for suggestions as to what I should be, They would say, "Be who we love most" so I would dress up like my siblings.

Trick or treat safety is always an issue for kids too,  It's important to remember to have loose fitting costumes if you want to steal other children's candy.  Also, parents should check their kids' bags for razor blades in apples.  As a precaution, just throw out any apples, preferably at the neighbors who hand out the apples, this is a candy holiday.

Last year, an internet rumor about clowns made everyone all a twitter.  This year, a clown on Twitter is making everyone anxious.  Remember that holidays are a time for fun and relaxation.  Feeling worried for the future is for regular days, so give yourself permission to have fun on a Tuesday night. (Unless you normally participate in Taco Tuesday, then you are used to great Tuesdays!)

I hope these tips help you enjoy the holidays.  For all my feline friends reading this: I have tuna, no strings attached. ( I also have string for you to play with, but there are strings attached, it's the other string.)

Take Scare,

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

The Power of Loud!

Hey Gang,

As an aspiring life coach and motivational guru, I have observed that good leaders can inspire others by becoming enthusiastic and blaring their voices.  So many jobs I have worked at (prior to being "let go") the bosses walk in and yell, "Alright everyone, let's have a great day!  Those breakfast burritos aren't going to fry themselves.  I can't stay long, my high school starts in 30 minutes."  I love it!  Nothing motivates me more than noisy people first thing in the morning.

Being loud is really the number one rule to effective leadership.  Granted, I have seem some Grouchy Gus's (other coworkers) get annoyed with the management's positive energy. They will roll their eyes or mutter obscenities underneath their breath. (They always get even more irritated when I ask them, "What did you say???"  while the boss is giving us a pep talk.)  I always feel bad for those coworkers and think if hearing someone holler, "Alright! Alright! Alright!  I want you to work hard so I can look good" doesn't motivate you then I don't know what will.

When I start my life coaching business on a full time basis, the first 20 minutes of my lectures will just be me screaming.  I wont limit my bellows just to large groups that I will inevitably have, I will 20-minute scream in smaller groups or even in one-one-one situations.  When you hire Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer, you will get 110% of my voice at all times.

In the mean time, I must get back to recycling cans so that I can pay for the noise violation codes that the public library keeps fining me for.  They get mad when I try to inspire and motivate other people at the library.  You have to practice somewhere!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer.




Wednesday, October 11, 2017

What's The Color of Your Uber?

Hey Gang,

 I have tried to explain to the people selling food that someday I will rival Tony Robbins and have a multi-billion dollar speaking career with an estate in Fiji, but they don't seem to care.  They just say, "That's great, but you need to pay for that Slim Jim today."  So, I decided to emulate a free spirited entrepreneur or an unemployed stand-up comedian and become an Uber driver.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Uber, it's like a taxi where the driver uses their own car.  Since I am a driver with my own car it seemed like a perfect fit.  I hit a few snags at first.  Apparently, Uber has "rules" to be affiliated with them.  An Uber driver needs a car with 4 doors and it has to have been built in 2007 or later.  I have neither.  I did't let that stop me, though.  I reached down into the depths of my soul and thought, WWTRITD, What Would Tony Robbins Incredible Teeth Do?

His teeth told me to become my own Uber, to be the taxi driver that I always knew I could be (but never really thought about until recently.)  I have decided to start my own transportation system called Gruber, it's a Gremlin based ride share program.  You don't need a fancy smart phone either to catch a ride in a Gruber.   I will provide you with my pager number.  If you need a ride you page me, wait near a phone line, I will call you back, ask you for directions, have you wait on the phone until I fold and unfold my map and then come get you.  One ride in just 5 easy steps!

First contact is just the beginning of the Gruber experience.  Once I arrive you will be treated to first class door to door service.  I will carry your bags to my hatchback, protect your head while you squeeze into the back of the car and present you with complementary beverages of tap water and soda crackers.  Once my business takes off, I will be able to provide those elusive Slim Jims.

Once we arrive at you destination, I will retrieve your bags, help you out of the car and announce your arrival by cupping my hands and yelling out to the world that you are here. (I can also make the announcement in a fancy British accent but that would cost extra.)

I can't wait to see you on the open road!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer




Wednesday, October 4, 2017

The Winds of Pocket Change

Hey Gang,


You may have noticed that I have been missing my weekly blog last month.  As it happens, the Walmart parking lot that houses my Gremlin in is located in Florida, so as a result I had to run from the hurricane.  I really didn't want to leave so I tried to talk Walmart into letting me park in the tire center, but I was turned down because this particular Walmart doesn't have a tire center.

I had quite an experience evacuating.  I decided that if I had to leave my Florida Walmart parking lot that I would head north...to a Georgia Walmart parking lot.  It was a little challenging since my Gremlin only goes 35 miles an hour.  The  Florida Interstates were packed with half of the state leaving, so it took me longer than expected to reach my destination.  It took me about a week and a half.

Once I reached Georgia, the hurricane had already passed me and had passed Georgia too.  I decided to make the most of it and do some sight seeing.  Was that fun!  Georgia is so much different than Florida. The Georgia Walmart parking lot has so many more spaces, the cart return seems wider and there are no palm trees.  I took so many pictures!

I am finally back now and can't wait to resume my life-coaching career!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer