Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Who Do The Kudzu That You Do?

Hey Gang,

I had the pleasure of doing some (court ordered) volunteer work.  I had to pull kudzu from trees in  a nearby park.  Kudzu is an invasive species of vines that takes over bushes or trees.  If not weeded, it can take over and keep the host plant from getting sunlight.  As I spent hours working on this task it made me think...we all have kudzu in our lives.

Everyone one of us are tall and mighty trees trying to grow tall, but something always sneaks up on us and tries to steal our sunlight.  Sometimes our kudzu is insecurity, sometimes it's fear of failure, my personal kudzu is disliking hard work.

I also noticed that there is a distinct smell to kudzu. At first I thought it smelled good, but after awhile I realized that the smell was pungent. It smells like bacon until it starts smelling like vines.  That got me to thinking that often bacon can be our personal kudzu as well.  I like to eat bacon until my sweat start smelling like vines.

I think everyone should pull kudzu and have the same inspiration that I did.  A lot of parks need weeding and gardening done.  I recommend volunteering your time. I'm not really sure how to volunteer at local parks.  Most parks are open to the public, so just show up with your shovels and picks and starting weeding the trees.  If someone asks what you are doing, tell them Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer sent you!

Have a great day!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

My Own Gizmo

Hey Gang,

I have mentioned before that I am a Life Coach that lives in my 1968 Gremlin in the Walmart parking lot.  Now some of you may say, "Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer, I am a car enthusiast and the Gremlin didn't come out until 1970."  Which is true.  My Gremlin was the beta test car of all the Gremlins.  It was given to my Grandpa Gainer back before they had crash test dummies.  AMC (the Gremlin's manufacturer) would just call my Grandfather every evening and if he was still around to answer the phone, they assumed the Gremlin passed the safety test.

I like that my home/transportation was handed down from generation to generation.  After my Grandfather survived being an owner of this beauty, he handed it down to my father, who politely declined the offer.  Later, when I asked my father for some rent money, he told me to just live in the Gremlin and here I am in now!

The Gremlin is a pleasure to drive and to live in.  I named her Gizmo after the 1977 movie, Gizmo.  My favorite part of the car is the hatch-back, or as I like to call it, my lanai.  It keeps things cool on the humid Fl nights and it is also acts as my security system. (Shoppers walk by, look in and see my shrine to Tony Robbins and keep walking.)

Today is a big day for Gizmo, I am putting some indoor/outdoor carpet in her lanai.  I once tried to put shag carpet in her, but the candles from my Tony Robbins shrine kept starting fires.

Take Care,

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Total E-Clips of the Part

Hey Gang,

As you have heard by now, there will be a giant E-Clips coming soon.  Everyone is saying it will be historic and special glasses are going to be needed when the E-Clips happens.  I personally think it will be like Shakespeare's quote, "much Scooby Doo about nothing."

This is my first E-Clips.  I have had experience with E-Harmony, E-Mail and I once tried an E-Cigarette, but never an E-Clips.  Personally, I am little confused on how someone can get a haircut on the internet, but I have never truly understood how this wide world web works.  I think that it may be an app (like the kids call it) that you download and it clips your hair, hence the term E-Clips.

It seems unfair to human hair dressers.  There are so many jobs that these computers have taken over, this is just another casualty of the technical age.  I have decided not to participate in the E-Clips.  As a Gainer, our hair genetically stops growing after a certain age.  My Great Grandmother Gainer had a Dorothy Hamilton bob until she was 98.

Have a great August 21st and remember, only you can choose to get a cyber haircut!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Saturday, August 12, 2017

The Dawn of the Dread

Hey Gang,

As you know by now, I am a life coach. I like to give free advice from time to time.  Since I haven't had a paying client in awhile...or ever, I thought that this may be a good time to impart my wisdom.  Morning routines are very important.  I would like to share with you my personal morning ritual.

Mornings are the most important early part of the sunrise.  Some other life coach "experts" suggest that meditation, exercise and stretching are a great way to begin each day.  I tend to disagree.  I think waking up with dread in your heart is a great motivator!.  Making mental lists of all the reasons staying in bed (or in my case, the backseat of my 1968 Gremlin) would be easier than facing a bleak reality, really helps you to put life in prospective.

Also, I am a big believer (like the president) that too much exercise wears down your internal battery. Let's say that you do get up and do some cardio that has your blood pumping and your heart racing, it's just gonna make you sleepy later on.  Instead, have a sugary snack and when you later crash, just have another sugary snack.  It's that simple!

Finally, use the precious hours of the morning to really concentrate on the things you are resentful of.  It's like an "attitude of gratitude" in reverse.  I call it a "mindset of things you didn't get."  Just take a 5-10 minutes to think of all the things you have wanted, but life somehow never let you have.  That empty feeling in your soul will be more than ready for the sugary breakfast snack its about to receive.

Hope this helps!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Back To Cool

Hey Gang,

As I have stated in previous blogs, I currently reside in my 1968 Gremlin that is parked at the Walmart.  I have noticed business picking up due to "Back To School" shopping.  The hustle and bustle of parents and children takes me back to the days when I was just Cathy Gainer, Student Trainer.

I remember it well.  My parents would go on shopping sprees ,fill their baskets with supplies and clothes, sometimes they would even buy stuff for me.  It was a glorious time!  The public school I went to didn't require us to wear uniforms, but I did anyway.  On Mondays and Wednesdays I would wear a policeman's uniform and I would dress like a fireman on all the other days.

It was at our school's pep rallies that I would start to get a glimmer into my future.  I wanted to stand before crowds of people and speak.  I wanted to inspire and motivate the masses with pride.  I wanted to make people happy and excited.  I guess, the school's mascot was my first mentor, is what I am saying.

I look at how far I have came since those days.  I am still learning. I am still working to make my dreams come true and I am still dressing like a fireman on Tuesdays and Thursdays!

Happy Back To School Days,

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Lady Who Who

Hey Gang,

There is a televison show in England that features a hero of sorts called "The Doctor."  I am not sure what the doctor's last name is. This doctor travels through time and space in something called a TARDIS.  It  looks like an old American phone booth, but it's actually a British police box, which is a phone booth used only for English emergencies.

The Doctor has gone on many adventures and has had many enemies.  All of the foes are scary and challenging. Some are very scary, like the Weeping Angels, they are statues that stay still if you look at them, but if you blink or glance away, they will attack. (This once resulted in me staring down a garden gnome for hours.  It was intense and I was banned from Walmart's garden section for six months.)  The most famous nemesis of The Doctor are the Daleks, they look like a bedazzled R2D2 and sound like an old scratched record that skips.

There are also times when The Doctor regenerates.  Every time a regeneration happens, The
Doctor looks like a totally different person. He's looked like old English men, middle-aged English men and young English men. Twice the regeneration made him Scottish.  It was announced that The Doctor will be regenerating into a woman for the next season of the show.

Some people are upset that a time travelling fictional character will take the form of a woman.  I'm not quite sure why.  I have tried to come up with reasons why a women couldn't be a super-natural sci-fi hero.  Here is what I have so far:

The  bathrooms in the TARDIS only has urinals.
Time travel is dependent up the amount a chest hair that the traveler has.
Only an Adam's apple can stop a Dalek.
The Tardis can get chilly and there aren't sweaters readily available.
One of the "stops" may  have a pull-up contests in which women typically have less upper body strength than a man.

I'm still stumped, I am looking forward to seeing how the show progresses.  Since my 1968 Gremlin that I live in doesn't get cable, I am hoping that the Electronics Dept in Walmart will be showing the Christmas special.

Take Care,

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Your Mother Has Weight Issues

Hey Gang,

Lately I have been hearing about roast battles.  At first I thought it sounded delicious.  I'm usually team-pot roast but can be swayed with a pork roast, especially if black beans and rice are involved.. Then I found out that roast battles were just organized insult competitions.  In the age of anti-bullying campaigns and trigger words, what a refreshing way to communicate!

The first time I heard anyone hurling insults in an organized fashions was in a "Yo-Mama" off.  This is where young men and women trade jokes based on slandering each other's mothers.  Most of the jokes insinuate that someone's mom, usually the most beloved person in a young person's life, is obese, really stupid or morally corrupt. Hilarious!

I, for one, think there should be a way to participate in the fellowship of roasting, without having to put down your opponent's maternal figure, because if it's one thing that my mother has always told me it's, "Kid, you're on your own. Don't drag me down with you."  (I do love that woman!)

So I have compiled some "Yo Mama" jokes that still let the joke teller look cool while saving the sanctity of their mother.

"Your mother has several eating disorders based on her disappointment in you." (That one is a true story!)

"Your mother has a low IQ and it's probably genetic"

"Your mother is not very technically inclined so she probably isn't reading this blog."

I hope you can use some of the zingers!  If you need anymore suggestions on calling people rude and obnoxious names, check out our elected official Twitter accounts.  They sure know how to sound like the kids today!

All me best!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer