Total E-Clips of the Part

Hey Gang,


As you have heard by now, there will be a giant E-Clips coming soon.  Everyone is saying it will be historic and special glasses are going to be needed when the E-Clips happens.  I personally think it will be like Shakespeare's quote, "much Scooby Doo about nothing."

This is my first E-Clips.  I have had experience with E-Harmony, E-Mail and I once tried an E-Cigarette, but never an E-Clips.  Personally, I am little confused on how someone can get a haircut on the internet, but I have never truly understood how this wide world web works.  I think that it may be an app (like the kids call it) that you download and it clips your hair, hence the term E-Clips.

It seems unfair to human hair dressers.  There are so many jobs that these computers have taken over, this is just another casualty of the technical age.  I have decided not to participate in the E-Clips.  As a Gainer, our hair genetically stops growing after a certain age.  My Great Grandmother Gainer had a Dorothy Hamilton bob until she was 98.

Have a great August 21st and remember, only you can choose to get a cyber haircut!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

The Dawn of the Dread

Hey Gang,

As you know by now, I am a life coach. I like to give free advice from time to time.  Since I haven't had a paying client in awhile...or ever, I thought that this may be a good time to impart my wisdom.  Morning routines are very important.  I would like to share with you my personal morning ritual.

Mornings are the most important early part of the sunrise.  Some other life coach "experts" suggest that meditation, exercise and stretching are a great way to begin each day.  I tend to disagree.  I think waking up with dread in your heart is a great motivator!.  Making mental lists of all the reasons staying in bed (or in my case, the backseat of my 1968 Gremlin) would be easier than facing a bleak reality, really helps you to put life in prospective.

Also, I am a big believer (like the president) that too much exercise wears down your internal battery. Let's say that you do get up and do some cardio that has your blood pumping and your heart racing, it's just gonna make you sleepy later on.  Instead, have a sugary snack and when you later crash, just have another sugary snack.  It's that simple!

Finally, use the precious hours of the morning to really concentrate on the things you are resentful of.  It's like an "attitude of gratitude" in reverse.  I call it a "mindset of things you didn't get."  Just take a 5-10 minutes to think of all the things you have wanted, but life somehow never let you have.  That empty feeling in your soul will be more than ready for the sugary breakfast snack its about to receive.

Hope this helps!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Back To Cool

Hey Gang,

As I have stated in previous blogs, I currently reside in my 1968 Gremlin that is parked at the Walmart.  I have noticed business picking up due to "Back To School" shopping.  The hustle and bustle of parents and children takes me back to the days when I was just Cathy Gainer, Student Trainer.

I remember it well.  My parents would go on shopping sprees ,fill their baskets with supplies and clothes, sometimes they would even buy stuff for me.  It was a glorious time!  The public school I went to didn't require us to wear uniforms, but I did anyway.  On Mondays and Wednesdays I would wear a policeman's uniform and I would dress like a fireman on all the other days.

It was at our school's pep rallies that I would start to get a glimmer into my future.  I wanted to stand before crowds of people and speak.  I wanted to inspire and motivate the masses with pride.  I wanted to make people happy and excited.  I guess, the school's mascot was my first mentor, is what I am saying.

I look at how far I have came since those days.  I am still learning. I am still working to make my dreams come true and I am still dressing like a fireman on Tuesdays and Thursdays!

Happy Back To School Days,

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Lady Who Who

Hey Gang,

There is a televison show in England that features a hero of sorts called "The Doctor."  I am not sure what the doctor's last name is. This doctor travels through time and space in something called a TARDIS.  It  looks like an old American phone booth, but it's actually a British police box, which is a phone booth used only for English emergencies.

The Doctor has gone on many adventures and has had many enemies.  All of the foes are scary and challenging. Some are very scary, like the Weeping Angels, they are statues that stay still if you look at them, but if you blink or glance away, they will attack. (This once resulted in me staring down a garden gnome for hours.  It was intense and I was banned from Walmart's garden section for six months.)  The most famous nemesis of The Doctor are the Daleks, they look like a bedazzled R2D2 and sound like an old scratched record that skips.

There are also times when The Doctor regenerates.  Every time a regeneration happens, The
Doctor looks like a totally different person. He's looked like old English men, middle-aged English men and young English men. Twice the regeneration made him Scottish.  It was announced that The Doctor will be regenerating into a woman for the next season of the show.

Some people are upset that a time travelling fictional character will take the form of a woman.  I'm not quite sure why.  I have tried to come up with reasons why a women couldn't be a super-natural sci-fi hero.  Here is what I have so far:

The  bathrooms in the TARDIS only has urinals.
Time travel is dependent up the amount a chest hair that the traveler has.
Only an Adam's apple can stop a Dalek.
The Tardis can get chilly and there aren't sweaters readily available.
One of the "stops" may  have a pull-up contests in which women typically have less upper body strength than a man.

I'm still stumped, I am looking forward to seeing how the show progresses.  Since my 1968 Gremlin that I live in doesn't get cable, I am hoping that the Electronics Dept in Walmart will be showing the Christmas special.

Take Care,

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Your Mother Has Weight Issues

Hey Gang,

Lately I have been hearing about roast battles.  At first I thought it sounded delicious.  I'm usually team-pot roast but can be swayed with a pork roast, especially if black beans and rice are involved.. Then I found out that roast battles were just organized insult competitions.  In the age of anti-bullying campaigns and trigger words, what a refreshing way to communicate!

The first time I heard anyone hurling insults in an organized fashions was in a "Yo-Mama" off.  This is where young men and women trade jokes based on slandering each other's mothers.  Most of the jokes insinuate that someone's mom, usually the most beloved person in a young person's life, is obese, really stupid or morally corrupt. Hilarious!

I, for one, think there should be a way to participate in the fellowship of roasting, without having to put down your opponent's maternal figure, because if it's one thing that my mother has always told me it's, "Kid, you're on your own. Don't drag me down with you."  (I do love that woman!)

So I have compiled some "Yo Mama" jokes that still let the joke teller look cool while saving the sanctity of their mother.

"Your mother has several eating disorders based on her disappointment in you." (That one is a true story!)

"Your mother has a low IQ and it's probably genetic"

"Your mother is not very technically inclined so she probably isn't reading this blog."

I hope you can use some of the zingers!  If you need anymore suggestions on calling people rude and obnoxious names, check out our elected official Twitter accounts.  They sure know how to sound like the kids today!

All me best!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

6 Reasons Why Articles Objectify Subjective Subjects.

Hey Gang,

I often read articles from informational websites that tell me that the things I enjoy are bad.  For years I thought that  my favorite movies were entertaining and appealing to me.  Well, it turns out that I was wrong.  The authors of these blog posts offer their opinion to create lists and rankings to make rules on what is normally subjective.  It's fun!

All of the articles that list top the 10 best/worst of almost any forms of entertainment tell me that I have terrible tastes in songs/movies/tv shows and books.  It's all very interesting.  I have found that being over 30 and a woman is a disadvantage to knowing what is good and what is bad in the world of entertainment.

Let's take superhero movies.  I never read comic books as a kid.  I thought DC was a city that the president lived in and that Marvel was something I did when I watched Tony Robbins. That isn't the case.  These superhero movies have been the backbone to the box office for the last decade.  What makes a good movie are stories about people with super-human strength or who are some sort of mutant.  Any other story line will definitely make it on the "worst" list.

The same goes for music.  All of music that I listened to as a young person and enjoyed because of the memories they created are all garbage songs.  I guess good music didn't exist until the dawn of the millennium. 

Thanks internet!  You always teach me new things.

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Listen To What You're Hearing.

Hey Gang,

As you know, Tony Robbins is my spirit animal.  I have wanted to motivate the masses like that gravel-voiced Adonis since I first saw him on Oprah.(Oprah is my spirit human.)  He can light up the room with his powerful words and gleaming teeth.  He's like a televangelist with rock hard abs that doesn't need to offer eternal salvation.

In my never-ending quest to motivate myself to become more motivating, I will often do research. I find wisdom through books, articles and memes. (That little boy who shakes his fist is quite a thinker.)  I recently read that motivation  isn't about what you say, it is about what people hear.  This passage was like a light bulb moment for me. (I would say aha moment, but I don't want another cease and desist letter from my spirit human.)  If it's about what people are hearing rather than what you are saying, that only means one thing...Google Translator!

I will offer my words of wisdom and advice and then put them into Google Translator.  I will put in phrases like, "You Be You", "Keep On Keeping On" and "Keep on Being You!"  (They are the staples of my motivational speeches.)   I can't wait to see what they are translated into and what people hear from those translations.  It will be like an electronic game of mad libs!  If this works out, maybe I can finally get that island in Fiji near Tony's island. (I can't buy the one right next to him, my latest restraining order prohibits it.)

Until next time!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Nothing Rhymes With Chipotle

Hey Gang,

As our country grows, changes and becomes a melting pot of people, so does our fast food-sit down-chain restaurants.  Today we have Italian grills, Korean barbecues and California pizzas.  What started out as a food from a specific culture, gets extracted and mixed with staples of Americana, which usually includes extra cheese and ranch dressing to bring us the modern cuisine that we have today.

Nothing makes me happier than eating a Chipolte Rice Bowl.  It's like an unwrapped burrito that you eat with a fork or a Chinese meal that it made up entirely of Mexican food.  It's filling and delicious!

Even the set up of a Chipolte restaurant is a hybrid of different fast food joints.  Most interiors look like a beatnik-laden coffee house, but the ordering process is a lot like a Subway.  It has fresh food, a long line of people individualizing each order, and employees that don't make eye contact when I point out each condiment and say "Does this have e-coli?  How about this? Ok what about this one?"

The next time you go out to eat, take note of all the cultures that your food is representing.  Is it a food that has a Spanish flair,  an Asian inspired dish or good old American Cheetos stuffed with mac and cheese?

 Bone Appetizers!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Summer Solistice

Hey Gang,

Summer solstice is today and quite frankly, it's my favorite of all solstices.  It is the longest day of the year, but really the least celebrated of all the sun holidays.  I just don't think that this holiday has done a very good job of marketing itself, which is a shame since this is an age of social media and do-it-yourself advertising.

I have a few suggestions to help boost summer solstice's popularity.  For one, there are no mascots like Santa, Easter Bunny or leprechauns for summer solstice.  Why not have an imaginary character for children to look forward to in the summer?  It should represent what June is about, summer, sun and outside.  Maybe the mascot should be Niles, the Magical Mosquito?   He comes every solstice biting the children and filling them with summer fun.

Children all over the northern hemisphere will anticipate Niles arrival by putting standing water outside their house, opening their windows and hiding their bug spray.  Niles will sneak in at night when children are sleeping and ravage their skin with summer-fun.  When the children wake up they will be itchy and ready for fun in the sun!

Also summer solstice doesn't have any greeting cards.  Why not exchange summer time salutations with a Hallmark card that reads:

Summer vacation is here and we will travel for miles
Enjoying the pool and waiting for Niles
Soaking in the sun and enjoying the light
While we put Calamine Lotion on all of Nile's bites

Happy Summer Solstices!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Cold War-ming

Hey Gang,

As a corporate trainer/life coach/unemployed guru, it is important for me to keep current with the news.  I usually take about an hour each morning to read up on everything that is going on in the world.  The first 30 minutes is spent looking at news website and the last 30 minutes is spent, rocking myself in a fetal position out of shear terror from what I just read.  I like to call it "panic cardio."  I was thinking about making it the latest workout craze!

Russia has been in the news a lot lately.  Being scared of the Russians brings me back to my childhood where I would only have one newspaper and one newscast that brought terror into my day. The times were simpler and the hairstyles were bigger back then.

The cold war was always discussed.  Even then, as Cathy Gainer Junior Trainer, I learned that art of pretending to know what everyone was talking about.  As wars go...Gang War, Nuclear War and  World War... the Cold War didn't seem so bad.  Just bring a sweater.

Now we are reliving Russians tension in an age of global warming.  What would that do to a cold war?  Would the two counter-act one another.  If the cold war starts but greenhouse gases heat up, would that cause harmony on our planet?  I am not sure.  I bought 10 cans of Aquanet just in case things get dicey and we need to burn more ozone in the name of world peace.

Take care and think happy thoughts while you read scary things!

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Tony! Tony! Tony!

Hey Gang,

As life-long fan of Tony Robbins, I wasn't surprised to hear that he has his own awards show.  It was broadcast last Sunday and people have been posting about it since.  It was a fancy event filled with talent , music and celebrities. It was simply called the "Tony Awards."

Tony Robbins has always been my inspiration and the reason I decided to be a corporate trainer/life coach/motivational arouser. I realize that I don't have his well chiselled body that make those black shirts hang off of him like a work of art, or a set of perfectly white teeth that light up the room when he smiles, or even his fees of thousands of dollars that help to extra inspire people.  I do, though, have one thing that he has...his words.  I say his words verbatim. I have memorized  most of the stuff he has written in his books or during his appearances on Oprah.  (Where are the Oprah Awards, by the way?  It's time to step up, America.)

Thanks to someone not signing out of the Netflix account on a public library computer, I was able to see Tony's latest special.  Oh my was I impressed! Not only was he charismatic and handsome, he was also dangerously dispensing psychological advise that he was clearly not qualified to give.  It was kind like watching people at a church, if the church had charged thousands of dollars and the preacher berated them in front of the congregation.  Netflix, you were worth that low monthly fee a stranger paid for.

Well kids, go out there today and find your motivation . Maybe you will find it from me, or from Tony, or from me talking about Tony.  Go find your happiness.  And remember what Tony always says...."That's great!!!" (That was actually Tony the Tiger.  As per some on-going legal battles, I am not allowed put any of Tony Robbins direct quotes in my blogs and I have to stay at least a thousand feet from his property.)

Thanks Gang,

Cathy Gainer, Corporate Trainer

Haters Be Hating

Hey Gang,

The great T-Swizzle has taught us that Haters gonna hate, the Fakers gonna fake and off course the Shakers gonna shake it off.  This got me to thinking...do I have Haters?  Am I a Hater?  I am a Breather, an Eater, a Fantasizer of Tony Robbins, but a Hater?  I don't think so.

There are a few people that I feel extremely envious of.  I mean the envy eats me up so much that I can't sleep, I obsess about them and wish for their ultimate demise.  I don't think that makes me a Hater.  I would call it more of an Envier or a Borderline Dangerous Jealouser, but not a hater.  I am not really sure what a Hater is.

I have decided to get prepared for the day I do have a Hater.  I think my Hater will be a young 20-something person.  I can't decide if it will be male or female, so for now I will just refer to them as Jordan. 

Jordan will at first be struck by my training skills.  Jordan will try to emulate everything I do, but will soon be frustrated that he/she can never truly be a corporate trainer of Cathy Gainer's caliber.  Things will get ugly, I will be tempted to sink to Jordan's level when the mud starts slinging, but ultimately I will prevail the winner.

Having haters was hard. T-Swizzle was right and in a weird way I am glad that Jordan came in my life.  It will teach me a lot about myself, if it actually ever happens.

Take Care Gang,

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

Who's this TED fellow?

Hey Gang,

Fun fact about me, I am thinking about wanting to become an inspirational speaker.  I have been thinking about it for years now.  I have looked into it and it turns out that you have to have a message of inspiration in order to become an inspirational speaker.  There is always a catch, it seems.

I have noticed that a lot of speakers refer to a gent name TED and his talks.  I am not sure who this person is, but I am assuming his first name is Theodore, but he is totally cool with everyone calling him  by a casual nickname.

With all due respect to Theodore and his man admirers, I think there should be more than one lone dude inspiring the world.  What if many speakers would gather and discuss subjects like technology, or entertainment, or even design?  Can you imagine what insight and education that would be!  We could call something clever like "Uncle Teddy's Band Of Speech Givers That Really Make You Think".  If that's too long, maybe it could be shortened to something catchy and with alliteration.  Who knows.

Take care, I am going to be practicing giving a speech with a Janet Jackson headset in hopes of being struck by inspiration real soon.

Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer

The No Fidget Spin Zone

Hey Gang,

Years ago when I was a child, my father used to say to me, "Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer, stop your fidgeting!"  He had all sorts of gems like that.  "Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer, sit still!"  "Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer, be quiet!"  "Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer, I am not your real father."  Awe, the memories.

It really felt like a blast from the past when I saw the new trend of fidget spinners.  For those of you who don't know what they are, it is a shiny object that people spin with their hands out of nervousness or impatience.  It's not to be confused with the cell phones everyone has in their hands and reads to satisfy their dopamine levels.  Awe, the 21st Century.

It got me to thinking, why does modern society need to be so distracted?  Why can't we just throw away our fidget spinners and  just appreciate the things in life that we already have like the internet? Or television? Or even video games?  It's almost like people are desperately trying to numb themselves to all that 2017 has to offer.  Awe, the foreshadowing.

Take care gang and remember, the distraction that you find today, will be the very thing that you will procrastinate tomorrow.


Cathy Gainer Corporate Trainer